Friday, August 21, 2009

Reminder from Jacob: On Allegiance

Jacob had been with me for several days and fortunately he is able to keep himself entertained for long periods of time, because Grandma had a lot to get done. By Tuesday afternoon, I was so proud of him and pleased to have accomplished so much that I promised to take him to Blockbuster and get him a movie to watch while I had a church board meeting that evening.

Silly me! I should have known better. If I had really been thinking I would have insisted that he pick a movie from the assortment that I already had…what was I thinking? You see, the problem is that Jacob and I have the complete opposite tastes in movies! Radically different tastes.

Jacob is into all things spooky, scary and violent. He loves zombies, monsters and skeletons, ghouls and goblins and blood sucking vampires. And me, as a person who grew up with paralyzing fear and disabling panic attacks, well I was overly cautious about what my children watched and read and saw and experienced. Determined, I was, to make sure that fear never entered their lives like it had mine. Then I find myself paired with a child who loves it all and I have a dilemma of my own making!

So, after we wandered the aisles for at least 30 minutes with no decision made, I began to get impatient with Jacob and aggravated with myself for putting us in this predicament…I should have known better. Finally, I said, “Five more minutes and then we’re outta here.” (Even as I kept steering him away from the “weird” stuff and he kept finding his way back.)

We left Blockbuster that afternoon without a movie. I told Jacob he would just have to pick one of mine. He didn’t fuss much. He was very quiet as we started home, too quiet. He was obviously pondering something and soon it came forth. “Grandma,” he sighed, “Are you ONLY a fan of God?”

I am still not quite sure how he correlated the two or how he pieced that together with our movie selection fiasco, but he did. And you know what? I liked it. I told my kids, “That’s what I want written on my grave marker. ‘Grandma, are you only a fan of God?’”

I pondered that for many days. Where does my allegiance lie in all things? And, is it true that I am “only a fan of God?” Well, pretty much and with good reason. And with that I am content.

Psalm 73:23-26
Yet I am always with You; 
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel, 

and afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

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