Our Baby Story by Jana Bentch Stoltzfus

NOTE: Names of my dear friends have been changed :)

This is our story…a story of God’s faithfulness, His love, His guidance and His perfect timing!

Nate and I had been trying to conceive for several years. Two years ago, in June of '08, I first truly asked for others to agree with me in prayer for this. The first time was with my cell group – a group of wonderful young ladies who I believe were faithful to pray! One evening when we met for cell, we met on the hill at EMU. It was a beautiful evening, NO rain in sight – just some big beautiful clouds. Kay, Joy, Emma and I were praying and singing as our hearts felt led. I asked the girls to pray - to truly pray that God would bless me with children. The girls began praying for me. As soon as they started praying, I looked up and saw a huge bright beautiful rainbow!!! As they continued to pray, another one appeared and then a third one! Three rainbows! What a miracle!! The girls and I agreed that those rainbows were a symbol of God’s promise to me. I believe on that day that God promised me three children (though the girls joked that maybe I would have triplets!) While they were praying, Emma had gotten the sense that the Lord was saying to sing out to Him every chance I could…Kay was then led to Isaiah 54 – 1"Sing, O barren women, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor… 9To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.” Oh what a beautiful image!!! As soon as the girls were finished praying for me, the rainbows disappeared!

The next day, I was outside working in my yard and recalled what Emma had said about singing. So I started to sing and as I looked up in the sky, a rainbow appeared! Oh the tears…

That following spring, in April of '09, I was going through a time of struggle, wondering when something was ever going to happen. Nate and I called his mom and asked for prayer. While she was praying she received from the Lord the number 12 and the word wisteria. We were not sure what that meant at the time, but knew that God would reveal it eventually.

A few months later, as I found myself struggling once again, wondering and waiting, God led a practical stranger to speak into my life and to encourage me. During a yard sale at Nate’s family’s farm, Holly (an acquaintance of Nate’s from high school) stopped by and talked to Nate for a little. She left, but returned a half-hour later out of obedience. She said that she kept hearing from the Lord to turn around and come back to us and that He wanted to tell us “You are not forgotten”. She asked if that meant anything to me and I shared about our struggles with having children. She confirmed that is what she had sensed it was about! This still brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. Every time I need a little encouragement, I think back to this…God has not, nor will ever forget about me!

This last winter, a gentleman from my mom’s church, who we did not know very well, heard a word from the Lord and shared it with my mom that the Lord is going to bless us as he and his wife were blessed. They struggled for several years getting pregnant, but the Lord blessed them with their own child and later they were once again blessed by being asked to adopt a child. I have always been open to adoption…so we will see if God has that in store for us!

On Valentine’s Day of this last year, God once again spoke into our lives! After church, Ellie (who knew nothing of our situation) said that during worship she saw an image of Jesus holding a baby and He handed it to me. She said the baby was a little girl that looked just like me! I sobbed! One more reminder that God would fulfill His promises to me!

This last fall, I quit leading my cell group and began to really struggle with two of my friends from the group. These two friends became pregnant fairly easily and fairly soon after they started trying. It was very hard on me to hear of both of their pregnancies and in a sense, I “unfriended” them. But the Lord called me to reconciliation. On April 11, God laid it on my heart that I must reconcile my relationships with Kay and Joy. I immediately emailed them and asked them to meet with me that week. We had planned on meeting that Wednesday. When Wednesday (the 14th) came, I got home from work and the last thing I wanted to do was meet with them. As I sat down to email them and let them know it wasn’t going to work, Kay called. I knew that God wasn’t going to let me get away with this one! A half-hour later, Joy and Kay were sitting in my living room. I apologized to them for how I had treated them. I admitted my hurt, but did not blame them, but felt that God was telling me that I needed to reconcile my relationship with them. It was a very sweet time with these two.

That following Sunday (the 18th), I shared with my new cell group (Ellie, Rachel and Melanie) about my story. Rachel anointed me for healing, which was the first time I had been anointed for infertility. The ladies prayed great prayers over me. While Ellie was praying, she had a sense about the birthing process for me and how it will be a very spiritual time for me when that time comes.

So, there I was, after almost two years of waiting for God to fulfill His promise, but remaining fervent in my prayers and having received many words of encouragement and promises from the Lord. Remember the two words my mother-in-law received – the number 12 and wisteria? Well, in the month of April (when wisteria blooms), 12 months after she received those words, 1 week after I reconciled my relationship with Kay and Joy, and 3 days after I was anointed, we found out we were pregnant (4/21/10)! AAAHHHH!!!! What a miracle! God is so good! He is so faithful! And what is really neat, is that we got pregnant right around Easter, I found out right before my birthday, we are due right around Christmas (during the 12th month of the year☺) and we just had confirmation that we are going to have a beautiful baby GIRL (who will look just like me ☺)

A couple of weeks after we found out (5/2/10), we shared with our cell group that we are pregnant. The ladies again prayed over me and anointed me. Rachel said that she received the image of the Lord’s holy fire surrounding the baby and me. The enemy cannot penetrate His holy fire, which is something I have clung to throughout this high-risk pregnancy. In fact, the name that we have picked out for our little girl means “the Lord’s holy fire”, but sorry, we aren’t sharing exactly what it is until she is born!

So, I thank you my friends and my family! Thank you for the many prayers that have been spoken on our behalf and on our little girl's behalf! This is truly a blessing and a miracle and I praise God each day to have the chance to share this testimony! I would not change anything about my story! He knew what was best for me! He knew the perfect timing and when both Nate and I would be absolutely ready to receive this child and to raise her to be a great woman of faith!

Pondering Transition

I finally concluded this morning that this picture, taken yesterday, pretty much describes my life right now! You see, it wasn't until late yesterday afternoon that I realized why my feet had felt funny all day. It was in the early morning hours and very dark in my closet when I was rummaging through a pile of shoes looking for (okay...feeling for) my every day "boots." Then I didn't discover, until much later, that I ran through the day wearing two very different shoes! 

And that is kind of like my life right now! I am running through my days wearing two similar and yet very different shoes. That is what the process of transition is like for me. Over the next few weeks I will finish up one very satisfying ministry assignment at the Hanover Brethren in Christ Church and then I will move to Mechanicsburg, Pa to join the ministry staff at Messiah Village Retirement Community. 

Fortunately, the LORD has given me the awesome ability to adjust well and quickly, even though I find the "in between" process a little uncomfortable. My emotions, although superimposed with a spirit of peace, range from sorrowful (at the prospect of leaving people I have come to love deeply) to joyful (at the prospect of learning to deeply love a whole new world of people!) I would have to say that "excitement" and "anticipation" take a forefront in my emotional bank these days (except when I am packing and trying to figure out this process of "downsizing.") 

I want to "finish well" at Hanover. I want to know that I have fulfilled God's purposes for bringing me to this beloved destination five years ago. His call was distinct. His marching orders were firm. Obedience was my responsibility, even when I wasn't fully sure I understood all that was required of me. I marched out, leaving other loves at Cedar Grove BIC, to Hanover with the words of one of my Biblical heroines, Deborah, as a banner over me, "March On, My Soul, Be Strong!"

Eventually, I will take off the one shoe and replace it with a pair that match (Not literally, people!)  Soon things will "feel right" once again. There is no doubt in my mind that, once again, my orders are clear, my place in His plan is secure, He goes before me and behind me and I will, with great faith, March On, with His strength as my backbone. For this season of my life I am called to a new place and again I choose obedience. 

Pondering Hermit Crabs

Several weeks ago my friend Eileen posted a comment saying that one of her family’s hermit crabs had escaped...without its shell, mind you! 
(I immediately imagined the shell-less creature curled up in a corner dehydrated and, unfortunately, deader than a doornail. Kind of like a spider that has “bit the dust.”) I followed the ongoing saga for several days, but alas, the naked critter was never found. The truth is, hermit crabs, without shells, are extremely vulnerable and they don’t last long.

Which brings me to this morning’s revelation. This is how God most often speaks to me...not when I am expecting it, but sometimes when I least expect it! All of a sudden, in the midst of my early morning, still-dark-outside, quiet time...deep into the Word and pondering His Truths, God reminded me of that hermit crab...naked, alone, exposed and helpless. The revelation was how much we (I) can be like a hermit crab. There you have it. Wasn’t that profound?

Okay, here is the issue...I have issues! Oh, please believe me when I tell you I am working on them and I certainly have a lot fewer than I used to! You see, I am determined to travel this journey of life emotionally and spiritually healthy. That means I am on, what seems like, a never-ending and ongoing process of dealing with “my stuff.” And I’m okay with that-as long as there is progress and as long as He is leading the way. (I know I can’t do this by myself...that’s what lead to the issue of issues to begin with!)

So here is my “hermit crab issue.” I need security. Let me say that again, with more emphasis, “I desperately need security!” I believe this is, most likely, a result of MANY years of living under a spirit of extreme and paralyzing fear. Blessedly, God miraculously delivered me from fear in 1998, but still the need for security persists. 

We all have a certain need for security; It is one of our very basic needs as human beings. But, for some of us, and I think women especially, there is a heightened need to be secure and to feel safe and protected. It’s why when I watch a movie like “The Patriot” or “Braveheart” or “The Last of the Mohicans” I tend to concentrate on finding a place to hide in the story. (If I were there, living then, experiencing that, where would I go to hide, to be safe? I can’t enjoy a movie that offers me no escape!) 

The same is true off the screen, in real life.  But, what I have discovered in life, is this;  all the “safe people” and all of the “safe places” in one’s life can be totally destroyed. They can become unsafe people and unsafe places. The one’s you thought would protect you can even become the enemy and your hiding place can become the scene of your worst nightmare. 

And so here is how I am finding divine healing for this major issue in my life. It began with the realization that there is only One truly safe Being and ONLY in Him and in His Presence will I ever find the security, the safety and the protection I need. And, here’s the bonus! I can find that even in the midst of chaos and trial and tribulations of all kind. 

One of the most helpful things I have found to bring healing to this profound need of mine is this... I keep a “Security Journal” of sorts. Then, when I find a scripture that gives me a picture of a “safe place” or an element of security that speaks to me, into the journal it goes. The scripture is also highlighted, usually in pink (for me), and a small star is placed beside it. (You know He knows each star by name and He knows me too!)

Believe me, there is nothing quite so secure as finding Him to be your High Tower, your Dwelling Place, your Refuge, your Rock, your Shelter. He is my Covering, my Shield and my Protector. That beats anything else the world has to offer!  I have my own real live, everlasting and incredible SuperHeroSupreme! Here are some of my favorites. 

Find security here....                                                      

Psalm 125: 1-2 "Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds His people both now and forevermore." 

Psalm 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings."                                                                                       
Hebrews 13:6 So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"                                                                                                                 

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."                                                                                                                          

Psalm 32:7 "You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance..."  

Pondering Ministry

Oh, I was hungry today...hungry for a word from the LORD. He did not fail me...He spoke right to where I am...what I struggle with and also where I want to be, right from the pages of a book I plucked off the shelf beside me in the midst of my desperate longing.

The book is called "A Place of Quiet Rest" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Here is what she wrote, maybe God will speak to you through it, as well... Or maybe it will become a prayer for your pastor or spiritual teacher.

Nancy writes...
"I love teaching the Scripture; to me there is nothing quite like seeing the Word of God penetrate and transform lives. But the process of preparing to speak is an intense one for me.

I agonize to determine what it is that the LORD wants me to teach;
I wrestle with the passages involved, seeking to understand what the Scripture really means;
I labor to put the material together in a form that is understandable and meaningful to the listener.

Throughout the process, I ask the Holy Spirit to search my own heart, to shine the light of His Word into every nook and cranny of my life, and to show me where I don't measure up to the truth I am about to proclaim.
Before opening my mouth to speak,
I spend time in prayer, pleading with God for a fresh anointing of His Spirit on my life and my lips,
and interceding for those who will hear the message.
I feel like a runner about to run an important race-every muscle taut, totally concentrated on the race ahead.
Then, while I'm actually teaching, there is more energy expended-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I am intensely focused, never letting up from my goal-
I want the truth to penetrate every heart;
I want every individual to say yes to God about any issue He is addressing in her life.

When I have finished speaking, the battle is still not over-that is when the enemy often seeks to discourage me with feelings of inadequacy or to tempt me with seeking the praise of men for my ministry. By the time it's all over, I am generally depleted and in need of restoration."
(Debby: And then it begins all over again!")

(Debby)
Probably only another pastor or teacher can understand the tension that Nancy Leigh DeMoss speaks of. I pastor a diverse group of individuals, from very mature believers with a life-long faith, to those who struggle to make it there on Sunday morning, let alone find any particular book of the Bible, to teenagers and children. How to make a message come alive in a way that will speak to all is a weekly challenge for me. That is why, at the top of every manuscript, in bright red letters it says, "Apart from YOU, JESUS, I can do nothing." I know that to be true from the depths of my being.
                                                         More of You, Jesus, and less of me.
And may I weekly, daily, moment-by-moment, courageously fight the battle with my enemy named discouragement and remember who I am meant to please.

I am A Soldier in the LORD's Army

If every pastor had just a few more soldiers with this attitude and commitment, it would sure help make ministering to those with true needs a lot easier! Thanks to all who fight the good fight of faith.

I am a Soldier...

I am a soldier in the army of my God.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer.
The Holy Bible is my code of conduct.
Faith, prayer and the Word are my weapons of warfare.
I have been taught by the Holy Spirit,
Trained by experience,
Tried by adversity,
And tested by fire.

I am a volunteer in this Army,
And I am enlisted for eternity.
I will not get out,
Sell out,
Be talked out,
Or pushed out.

I am faithful,
Reliable,
Capable,
And dependable.

If my God needs me, I am there.

I am not a baby.
I do not need to be pampered,
Petted, Primed up, Pumped up,
Picked up or pepped up.
I am a soldier.

I am not a wimp.
I am in place,
Saluting my King,
Obeying His orders,
Praising His name,
And building His kingdom!

No one has to send me flowers,
Gifts, food, cards or candy.
I do not need to be cuddled,
Cradled,
Cared for, or catered to.
I am committed.

I cannot have my feelings hurt bad enough to turn me around.
I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside.
I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.

When Jesus called me into His Army I had nothing.
If I end up with nothing, I will still come out ahead.
I will win.

My God has and will continue
To supply all of my needs.
I am more than a conqueror.
I will always triumph.
I can do all things through Christ.

Devils cannot defeat me.
People cannot disillusion me.
Weather cannot weary me.
Sickness cannot stop me.
Battles cannot beat me.
Money cannot buy me.
Governments cannot silence me.
And Hell cannot handle me.
I am a soldier.

Even death cannot destroy me.
For when my Commander
Calls me from this battlefield,
He will promote me to Captain
And then allow me to rule with Him.
I am a soldier in the Army,
And I’m claiming victory.

I will not give up.
I will not turn around.
I am a soldier,
Marching Heaven bound.

Author Unknown

Times of Refreshing

"How will we know it's for real?" they asked and I replied, "When there is confession and repentance; when there is brokenness and not before." *

Have you ever found a verse, one that you have probably read hundreds of times before, but all of a sudden because of the circumstances of life, it takes on a whole new meaning, maybe even a life of its own? That's what happened a couple of days ago when I stumbled over Acts 3 verse 19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the LORD..."

I don't know about you, but I desperately long for "times of refreshing," but there is a cost. There is a condition and that condition is this, I must live a life of repentance. I must turn to my God at all times. (For me, that kind of means I am "in His face" moment-by-moment.)

I want my sins wiped out...covered...buried. And so lately, I have found myself, many times a day it seems, saying, "I am so sorry, please forgive me," in one way or another. I find myself consciously guarding my words, my thoughts, my actions. Acutely aware of how easy it is to step on other's toes, to wound without even knowing it, to offend or be offended and I don't want to live like that. Hurting others, holding grudges, judging... I don't want to be a "hurt people hurt people" person.

Set me free, LORD! Give me Your filters. Help me to see and perceive others as You do. Cleanse me of all unrighteousness. And thank You, bless You for the times of refreshing and the privilege of turning to You!

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."

The Beauty of Mathematics

Even if you are like me and numbers are just "not your thing" you may find this totally amazing! I have no idea who came up with these formulas (other than the Great I AM) but it sure wasn't me! 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 1 x 9 + 2 = 11 12 x 9 + 3 = 111 123 x 9 + 4 = 1111  1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111 12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111  123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111 1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111  12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111  123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111  9 x 9 + 7 = 88 98 x 9 + 6 = 888  987 x 9 + 5 = 8888  9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888  98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888  987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888  9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888 98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888  Brilliant, isn't it?  And look at this symmetry:  1 x 1 = 1 11 x 11 = 121  111 x 111 = 12321 1111 x 1111 = 1234321  11111 x 11111 = 123454321  111111 x 111111 = 12345654321 1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321  11111111 x 11111111 =123456787654321  111111111 x 111111111 =12345678987654321

Mind Boggling...   

Now, take a look at this... 
101% 
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: 
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than100%? 
Ever wonder about those people who say they
Are giving more than 100%? 
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to

GIVE OVER 100%... 
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life? 
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
Answer these questions: 
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 
Is represented as: 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. 
Then: 
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% 
And: 
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E 
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96% 
But: 
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E 
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100% 
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you: 
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D 
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101% 
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and 

Attitude will Get you there, 

It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!