Pondering the Ability to Adjust

One of the gifts that the LORD has blessed me with is the ability to adjust well. It doesn't always happen immediately...sometimes it takes awhile, but I have come to count on this ability as I cope with my often changing world.

A good example is adjusting to  living in Mechanicsburg. I have been here for a little over a year and I do not "know" any of my neighbors. Well, I know Michael. He is in the apartment next to me. He came over one night when a bat was in my bedroom and I was just a little freaked out and needed help to catch it. Michael and I both squealed and jumped around, but we were finally able to corner it and get it outside. We're that kind of neighbors. He shovels my sidewalk and I sweep his porch. I can call on him when I need to and he notices when I'm away for a few days.

And I know Brittany, who lives above us, well enough to say, "Good morning" and chat for a couple of minutes, but that's it. For the first time in my life I am living in a place where I don't know any or all of my neighbors. I can't even describe how foreign that is to me and it took some time to adjust. In fact, I think the adjustment was so slow and so subtle that by the time I realized it was happening, I had been here for several weeks.

The thing is, when I lived in Hanover, I was living by myself for the first time in my life and my office was in my home, therefore I spent a good part of my work week at home, alone, with no one else around. So, by the time I called it a day, I was desperate for people! Walking the neighborhood every evening exposed me to the colorful variety of the people who lived around me and I established some meaningful relationships with my neighbors. By the end of the evening my need for "socialization" and "community" was fairly well satisfied.

So, how have I adjusted to this radically different life? Well, it's the job thing. I am pastoring at Messiah Village Retirement Community now, and my "work" days are filled with people...filled to overflowing. Going home to a quiet, peaceful, empty apartment has taken on the semblance of refuge. It's where I can finally relax and recoup after a day filled with people and ministry. And I am loving the feeling of healthy balance for my particular needs. I need to be with people, but I also need the time without. Thank you, LORD, for giving me the ability to adjust well.

Pondering the Roles We Play....

Okay, here’s the deal. I can’t even count how many women I have seen riding motorcycles recently. And I don’t mean riding on the back with their guy in front, I’m talking about women-all by themselves, on a motorcycle of their own, tearing down the highway! The sight still catches me off guard!

Then there are all these television series that have aired in recent years, where women are in the roles of tough, no-nonsense, gun-wielding, high-kicking killing machines who make Annie Oakley look like a fairy princess with a pop gun. Women like “Fi” on Burn Notice or Angelina Jolie in the movie role of Mrs. Smith, along with dozens of others...that’s what I’m talking about.

The truth is, I am not sure why it is so hard for me, of all people, to adjust to these particular gender shifts. The reason being, for the last 14 years I have been in the similar place in a dominantly male role...a pastor, no less. I admit it caused me ongoing and reoccurring duress till I got used to the idea myself, but none-the-less, I did get used to it and I have flourished in the role and love the ministry opportunities and the opportunity to serve my God and others this way. I am suited for pastoral ministry. It is my nature, my calling and an act of obedience. Which makes it a joy.

Those other roles? And even seeing men as nurses...well, I guess eventually “the shock” will wear off and I will get used to the idea, well maybe not the “gun toting” thing, but the others anyway. 

Pondering: "Friends"

Is it only me or do we all have "friends" like this? 
You can spend an hour, a day, a weekend or a lifetime with a person and you know just about every answer to every question you've asked or they have freely divulged...but you walk away from him or her thinking,  "She doesn't know a thing about me..." And it's not because you wouldn't have been more than willing to share. 

So, is it simply because it's all about them? Or maybe they just don't really care about you and what's happening in your life. I wonder if they ever, for a moment, even consider the fact that you parted ways and they never asked a question, or if they did they quickly filled in with an answer, an opinion or a story of their own. 

Did you ever start to say something and he/she just runs over your voice with his/her own narrative? 

You know what it does for me? Reminds me of what kind of friend I want to be and it also gives me an opportunity to be thankful for the good friends I have...the ones who share a mutual story and interest. The ones who make me feel like I have worth to them. Yeah, it makes me thankful. 

Riding on a Cloud

I am awed by the clouds below me,
Airborne I fly one way,
Blissfully they float the other.                          
Mountains and ridges,valleys and peaks
Shadows among light take flight.
And He will come...riding on a cloud!


Marshmallow cloud on wings of fantasy,
Look, there's a dinosaur, a bear, no a face
Captured in cloud dust for a moment in time,
Cotton ball clouds thick, thin, then fluffy,
Peaceful they hang suspended in space
A bed for the angels in silent repose.
And He will come...riding on a cloud!


Psalm 68:4 (NIV)
Sing to God, sing praise to His Name, extol Him who rides on the clouds---His Name is the LORD---and rejoice before Him.

Pondering Backyard Lessons

We were in Jeff’s backyard on a lazy Sunday afternoon; enjoying the weather and the fellowship. The fact that Jeff loves to push people into the pool kept several of us ladies on the opposite side of the pool so we could keep an eye on him. There was no way we were going to let him sneak up behind us! So, we just dangled our feet in the pool and caught up on each other’s lives.

We should have known better than to think we could outsmart the trickster. It was obvious he was planning something, but we foolishly felt safe from our vantage point clear across the pool. But then, when we least expected it, fully dressed and all, he took a flying leap into the pool and landed in a cannonball position with just enough of a slant to completely soak everyone within our vicinity! Stinker! He was so proud of himself!

Later, after everyone had changed clothes or dried off, we were enjoying a potluck meal together. I had gone into the house for a moment and returned with a tall glass of ice cold water. As I circled the table to take a seat, I passed behind Jeff who was already seated and chowing down. Suddenly, without any preconceived plan or forethought, I simply pulled back the neck of his shirt and dumped the whole glass right there!

Believe me, I was as shocked as Jeff and everyone else! And even before the glass was completely empty I was apologizing. “Jeff, I am so sorry! I don’t know what made me do that. I can’t believe I did that!” (I think I was just as surprised to find myself apologizing as by what I had done!)

Now, this happened a couple of years ago-at least, but I was reminded of it today as I prepare to teach a Sunday School lesson with the title: The Solution for the Sin Problem. It was this statement that caught my attention, “One of the evidences of a believer’s spiritual heartbeat is how quickly and immediately a sin is confessed and forsaken.”

So, here’s the truth I want to embrace… The LORD desires for me to be as swift to confess and repent of my sins, as I was to respond to this incident…apologizing before the glass was even empty! Now, please don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe pouring water down Jeff’s shirt was a sin and I must confess I would do it again, in a heartbeat, if the opportunity presented itself, I just want to recognize and acknowledge my sins quickly and deal with them immediately and appropriately. No denial. No excuses. No blame game. No hesitation. Just deal with it. For my sake and for His Glory!

Pondering... A God Who Looks Like Me?

                                                   

"My feelings were not welcomed in the Church (or at home, at times).  I learned to deny their existence. When afraid, I was told, "Thou shalt not fear." When angry, "Sin not." When needy, "Know the fullness of Christ." To feel my own feelings was to deny God's all-sufficiency. I learned to swallow my loneliness, anger, and fear. They were imprisoned inside my belly." I’ve been pondering this particular lament since I read it on a friend’s Facebook post a couple of weeks ago. The source of the quote is a book called, A God Who Looks Like Me written by Patricia Lynn Reilly.

I have looked for the book at bookstores and the library, but other than purchasing it on Amazon, I’ve had no luck. Which may or may not be a good thing I guess, because I can’t quite figure out where the feminist author is going with it. At first I was just kind of stunned into silence by the desperation I sense in her words or maybe it is a depressing sense of resignation. And that is probably because I am the one who would be right there offering Biblical comfort, counsel and the peace that I know is found only in Christ. 

So, I am so thoroughly intrigued to find out where she is taking this and in the mean time I am thoughtfully pondering her seemingly hopeless conundrum. Well, here are my thoughts and my questions (and I recognize that I am making them with only the known lament and not the full text or her summation and/or solution/resolution). Maybe as I pose them more clarity will come, but also I would love to know what others think.

First of all the title of the book causes me to question: A God Who Looks Like Me. I don’t know about you, but I am not interested in a God Who Looks Like Me. What good would there be in that? The scripture says that we are “made in His image” not He in ours. I don’t understand the mystery of that, but I am content with knowing that my God knows what He is doing.

Secondly, I have learned, in a lifetime of dealing with “my feelings,” that they are not always reliable and they are certainly not the barometer that I want determining how I live my life day-by-day or what choices I make. Feelings are what they are. Yes, I have to acknowledge them. Denying their existence or ignoring them will not help. But, once I acknowledge them I have found it necessary to try to figure out where they are coming from. Once I have a general (or specific) idea of their source I am more able to move on to the next stage. I need to make a personal decision about how I am going to master them. For I am determined that they will not master me! That often leads to a downhill spiral, doesn’t it? And after all, isn’t that part of maturing? Isn’t learning to master my responses to feelings a significant part of growing up? And, I guess a part of that is admitting that I don’t want to live with feelings of loneliness, anger and fear. I’ve been there and it’s not for me. I will not be consumed by loneliness, anger or fear for one moment longer than it takes me to surrender them to the LORD. I will not allow them to burn a whole in my belly by imprisoning them there. I am meant to live free. Unburdened by the slavery of unhealthy or painful feelings, I will walk in freedom. 

At the same time, I will be the first to recognize and acknowledge that we can very well have the head knowledge; We can know every scriptural help and promise of God and still just not FEEL it. There is a vast difference between knowing the truths in my head and feeling them in my heart. That’s where the work continues for me and I believe it is a lifelong process of, one day at a time, “learning to lean” and standing on His promises by faith. Growing in Christlikeness and not expecting my God to look like me! Heaven forbid! Besides, I do believe my God is all-sufficient. Isn't that what makes Him God? Does that make sense?

I SEE Faces

I see faces. I have seen faces for as long as I can remember. I think seeing faces is just one of the childish experiences that lead to some of my fear issues: It was that face I saw looking over the fence in our backyard when I was seven that makes me think this. Maybe he started it all.

But here’s the deal. I see faces in inanimate objects. For instance, I once hung a map of the world on one whole wall in the Prayer Room at Cedar Grove BIC Church. Then, every time I sat in front of it, my focus went to the seven distinctly different faces I could see in the map’s topography. 

I see faces in patterns on curtains, floor coverings, wallpaper, in the clouds...in the most odd and peculiar places faces just pop out! Maybe it is my over active imagination or the fact that I am so visually oriented. Whatever the case may be, I have long since stopped being surprised at the places faces show up in my little world! 

In the picture below, I actually saw the faces before I saw the horses and riders. There are eight of them that are simple to find, but there may be as many as 22 faces in this picture. I'm sorry I don't know who created this interesting work of art, someone who doesn't just see faces, but also creates them!

So, if you know me, you know there has to be a spiritual application! What this reminds me of is the story in Mark 8: 22-25 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

I want Jesus to so touch my eyes that I see "everything clearly." Not through fuzzy, distorted lenses or filters, or through prejudice or presumption; not though eyes blinded by my own faulty judgements or past experiences, but clearly through the eyes of Christ. I want to see the people and the circumstances around me though eyes of mercy, grace and the love of God. 

And, I want to see Jesus more clearly everyday. LORD, give me eyes to see!